“From the outside looking in, it’s hard to understand. From the inside looking out, it’s hard to explain.”
When you are emotionally connected to something, be it a friendship, a relationship, or even words, losing that connect would leave a void that seems difficult to fill. Losing connect to one might even affect connect to the other, because through us, they are all somehow interlinked, albeit inadvertently. I lost someone in April, and like a domino effect, I seem to have lost a lot afterward.
One positive that has remained throughout the many negatives is the support of a few friends. Friends don’t always need to be thanked, but it is good to express gratitude at times too.
“The struggle ends when gratitude begins.” – Neale Donald Walsch
I have been more silent than I usually am, been forgetful of certain things, even very blunt with my words than I would usually be. Sadness or anger doesn’t become a reason or an excuse for being careless with words, and that’s something I understand. Some friends became distant from this version of me. Some even walked away. I tried to become my old self, but one bad day apparently overwhelms the many good days from before. They chose to remain on their path.
I’ve accepted that their path is not the one I’m on. I’m grateful to those friends who have stuck by me, who have given me the space to find myself, yet stayed nearby saying, “This too shall pass.” That has helped me a lot. Even now, I cannot say that I’m truly back, but those friends understand that I am healing now, faster than I was before.
“Friends show their love in times of trouble, not in happiness.” – Euripides
I had lost my muse too. I stopped writing during the April A to Z challenge, leaving it after the O post. They say sadness can be the best inspiration to write, but reality is that sadness can actually pull us down too. Since I left the challenge, I had been able to write just one post in May and in June as well. My gratitude goes out to those friends who kept reminding me that words can be cathartic. They believed in my words even when I did not.
Writing each Sunday on the same topic helped a lot to find my words again. Monday Musings too made a difference. The Write Tribe Whatsapp group, with the chats on blogging, the 5 sentence fiction challenges etc. pushed me out of the block further. And over the last ten days, I wrote for 7 days in a row. I feel like I am better, and as such, I will be completing the remaining 11 letters of the A to Z. I know it’s not an official challenge win, but for me, that is enough.
“Success is dependent on effort.” – Sophocles
A milestone birthday is nearing. I’ve always felt that age is just a number. I am very childish at times, and at other times, very mature. Many around me feel that this “age” is too old, that I have to do some things, and give up on some things now. Their attitude is something that becomes too difficult to handle at times, and I slip into a frustrated mode that I do not like. Friends who have “been there, done that” keep pulling me out of that mode. Their presence restores some of my sanity. They hear me out, knowing that I’m not pretending to be happy. Only then do they show me the reasons I have to be thankful for.
“A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself.” – Jim Morrison
I had lost a lot in these last few months, some of which cannot be expressed properly in words. When that overwhelmed me, I lost hope, happiness and belief. But I’m slowly finding my feet again. There are those who are holding me up till I can be sure that I won’t fall for a while. I don’t need to name names, they know who they are. Thank you for helping me to find the beauty in life again.
“Good friends help you to find important things when you
have lost them… your smile, your hope, and your courage.”
– Doe Zantamata
(© Vinay Leo R. @ I Rhyme Without Reason,
14th August, 2017)