Dreams

Forgotten how to dream
its passion lost to failures
buried in a graveyard
of its passed predecessors

Hope seems an eternity
away from my yearning
and I let it flicker away
like a candle nearing
its last drops of grey wax

Befriending the darkness
I realize that with time
even the darkness seems
to have a light within

Perhaps it is a lost dream
that shows the first signs
to the birth of a new one


One Single Impression
dVerse Poets – OpenLink

© Leo 07/August/2011

Poetry & writing are to me, a breath of fresh air in a life that is sometimes covered by the smoke of sorrow or self doubt. They also become the sweets I share to celebrate when life offers me a reason to. But most of all, they are to me, my life. For each word I write is a piece of my heart, a thought that just had to find its way into the world.

  

62 thoughts on “Dreams

  1. Leo, Leo, Leo! You really did reach in and grab my heart with this one!
    Expecially with:

    I realize that with time
    even the darkness seems
    to have a light within

    I wish I had written this! Congratulations with this one!

  2. “Perhaps it is a lost dream
    that shows the first signs
    to the birth of a new one”
    These are the lines I keep going back, rereading and realizing they captured my curiosity …
    enjoyed the poem very much. Thank you.
    ☮ Siggi in Downeast Maine

  3. Oh my!!! Wow!!!
    As soon as I read the first line, it literally chilled me… “Forgotten how to dream” – one of the things that makes a person a…zombie (could not find a better word).
    “I realize that with time
    even the darkness seems
    to have a light within ” – that was beautiful

    • Thanks dear Kirti 🙂 Glad you liked it, and yeah, will surely come by as soon as I do get time to do a blog hop 🙂

  4. Its not necessary to let the candle flicker I think.. Keep it lit, maybe the spark is the light of the new dream.. Well said, Vinu.

  5. “even the darkness seems
    to have a light within
    Perhaps it is a lost dream
    that shows the first signs
    to the birth of a new one”

    Lovely lines to live by Leo!! Nice to see hope even in the darkest hours!! Life is no bed of roses and when the thorns hurt these lines would echo!!

    • Yes, dreams must be alive always, Victoria 🙂 Thank you. I’m glad to be at the pub too. Red wine would be nice 😉

  6. I think so, Leo. the whole “when one door closes another opens” kind of thing. I love the pondering thoughts you have expressed here. and since you asked for critique, I did want to mention that in my humble opinion, this would be easier to read if each capitalized line was the start of a new stanza.

    • Yes, I love it too, and I’m glad you liked it as well, Sheila! 🙂

      Ok. Critique accepted 🙂 and since it doesn’t alter the poetry itself, I have made the change as well. Thank you.

  7. i like how one dream leads to the next, but one must die for the new one to begin…passed predecessors is a great allit as well…fun to say…

  8. I like your candle metaphor used as hope burning away. I would have liked to have seen that carried through a little more actually. Plenty to like here, several nice lines.

    Agree with Sheila though, this could use some stanza-breaks to give it room to breathe and aid readability. It would also emphasise the lines before and after the breaks and give it more body.

    Forgotten how to dream
    its passion lost to failures
    buried in a graveyard
    of its passed predecessors

    Hope seems an eternity
    away from my yearning
    and I let it flicker away
    like a candle nearing
    its last drops of grey wax

    Befriending the darkness
    I realize that with time
    even the darkness seems
    to have a light within

    Perhaps it is a lost dream
    that shows the first signs
    to the birth of a new one

    You could try the tercets technique, which many modern pro poets seem to be rather fond of these days; it gives a lot of enjambment and a slightly non-linear feel to the piece which ruffles the reader just a little, enough to make it interesting but not so as to make it harder to read –

    Forgotten how to dream
    its passion lost to failures
    buried in a graveyard

    of its passed predecessors
    Hope seems an eternity
    away from my yearning

    and I let it flicker away
    like a candle nearing
    its last drops of grey wax

    Befriending the darkness
    I realize that with time
    even the darkness seems

    to have a light within
    Perhaps it is a lost dream
    that shows the first signs

    to the birth of a new one

    What say ye? I think no punctuation works just fine

    • Hey, I’m glad you found good and nice lines in the poem too, Luke. Thanks for the crit. I liked the first simple stanza split better, I think it gives a life to the different jumbled ideas.. I’ve edited the formatting! And yes, no punctuation does the trick wonderfully well alright! 🙂

    • Well, it does flicker away bad thoughts at times. I’m glad you liked the poem, Sharon. Change in punctuation? There is no punctuation in the post now also 🙂

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