To Falter..

My life
To alter
Must falter
Once again
Tranquil
I am sure
To endure
All my pain

Freedom
I wanted
Unwanted
Was a chain
Still now
Quite dusted
Quite rusted
By disdain

Fond of
A true tear
Distant fear
Swept by rain
I hoped
For relief
True belief
To be sane

Wrong path
I once took
Did not look
I was vain
My life
To alter
Must falter
Once again


Shared at One Shot, 3WW and OSI.

Image from HERE


I’ve got a bit bored of finding forms, and repeating my favorites like Haiku and Acrostic, so I am experimenting with my own. I call this Duoundectain, a verse having two quatrains of 11 syllables each, in form 2-3-3-3-2-3-3-3 and rhyme a-b-b-c-d-e-e-c. (only “c” rhyme stays same in every verse). Also, the first four lines, and the last four lines of the poem are the same, which make it 2 or more verses in length. (Amanda, thanks! I knew I’d not got it complete in the explanation, was wondering where I missed.)


© Leo 08/06/2011

Poetry & writing to me are to me, a breath of fresh air in a life that is sometimes covered by the smoke of sorrow or self doubt. They also become the sweets I share to celebrate when life offers me a reason to. But most of all, they are to me, my life. For each word I write is a piece of my heart, a thought that just had to find its way into the world.

34 thoughts on “To Falter..

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  1. You know, the poetry might just be an experiment, but your words are so beautiful, that you bring the form to life. Well written, and a nice picture to go along with it too…


    @Suja: Thanks and glad you felt the experimental form worked 🙂 Cheers!

  2. I really like this form! Especially for the subject, and it has a nice flow which also works when read out loud. Good concrete images, and I love the rhyme of ‘To alter must falter’ which resonates with me.


    @Lucy: Thanks 🙂 Glad you liked the form and could read it in flow, out loud, with the rhyme! To alter from a faltered course, one must falter back trying to find the right one right? 😉

  3. I guess we all tinker with our own versions of style. I did myself a few years ago and called it septcouplet. I liked this pretty good, it is difficult to get your point across when limited to three syllables, but you managed it with this.


    @Jerry: Septcouplet? 2 lines of 7 syllables each? 🙂 Sounds interesting..! Glad you liked it. Yeah, difficult, but challenging also 😀

  4. nice. you create a nice flow through out…i can relate with the desire for freedom and maybe even some wrong decisions in try to achieve it…


    @Brian: Yes, a decision can alter that faltering, but the faltering is not to be completely avoided in the chase of that desire either 😉

  5. It was like taking footsteps up that mountain with you..we wouldn’t know the right path unless we took the wrong one every now and again..Jae


    @Jae: Yes, we won’t know that right path till we go astray once in a while 🙂 Thanks!

  6. Great new form! Your use of the prompt here is outstanding and unique. Keep experimenting!


    @Andy: I plan to 🙂 Glad you liked the form and the prompt!

  7. Inventive. Really like the form creation, and the wicked flow that seems natural in your work, Leo.


    @Adam: Wicked flow.. 😉 I like that. Glad you liked my form and the poem 🙂 Thank you.

  8. A very moving piece. I feel your pain. We all make mistakes.


    @Laurie: Yes, and so we should 🙂 Without making a mistake, we can’t realize when we go wrong..

  9. Despite the mathematics (which I can well do without) this is an excellent piece of poetry which I found a delight to read.


    @Altonian: LOL 😆 The math is for telling what I tried in the form 🙂 You can totally skip reading that part if not needed. Glad you found the poem a delight to read! Thank you 😉

  10. I seems like you are talking about the future, life is still on, may be it will not falter, may be its just your fear fighting your pride.
    Anyways, good luck for life, your poem sounds really good.


    @AA: It is a bit of the present, bit of the past, bit of the future! 🙂 Glad you liked the poem..!

  11. I like this rythmn pattern, especially the way the last line mirrors the first. And I think it’s very wise; sometimes the only way to alter your life is to falter. Nice job.


    @Sheridan: Yes, very true 🙂 Alternation requires a falter sometimes.. 😎 Glad you liked the rhythm and the refrain. Thank you 😉

  12. I much enjoyed reading this. Love this new form of poetry you are experimenting with, it works well!

    Christy


    @Christy: Thanks! 🙂 Glad you liked the form, and felt it works well!

  13. Interesting form; it demands tight writing, but you kept your blog-name rhymes. Well done.


    @Mike: Haha! Yes, I tried a tighter form, than the longer lines! 😀 Glad you liked it. Thanks!

  14. wow. I think it is beautiful. You are so exact in your creating and writing. I admire that, as it is something I do not think I could ever do.


    @Kwee: I try 🙂 Glad you liked what came out 😀 Cheers!

  15. Thanks for penning down your thoughts.
    Faltering is part of our lives. We find a path, we move, we make decisions, we change, we move..
    The cycle goes on – and without faltering perhaps, just perhaps, we might feel lost…


    @Clariice: Yes, without faltering, we won’t find the path that is right. Even if it is right, we might falter again.. It is part of that cycle of course! 🙂

  16. How would we ever learn, evolve, if we didn’t falter? Nice stuff.


    @Thom: Yes, very true. It won’t be living, if we didn’t falter once a while!

  17. Love this new form. Goes so beautifully, like a swing.

    I’m probably going to always remember this: “My life, to alter, must falter…”


    @Antara: Yes, one line I think is quite important too 🙂

  18. I love poetry that uses simple language yet invokes a whole slew of complicated emotions. Thumbs up, friend. Now time to go ponder, remember, and wonder how to…
    Get back
    To my life
    Lose the strife
    Beat sadness
    Dig deep
    In the earth
    Find self-worth
    Toss madness.

    🙂 ?


    @Beespoetry: Hey, that’s a good start to a duoundectain… needs atleast another verse to complete it though. do try 😉 Thanks for liking the poem and giving it a thumbs up! Cheers..

    • Also, this form feels similar to the song Subterranean Homesick Blues by Bob Dylan- I don’t know what it is about the rhythm or maybe it’s just that itchy feeling in my head like I’ve heard or felt it before.
      Not sure your feelings on Dylan’s music, but it’s a compliment, for me, 😀


      @BeesPoetry: I’m not that familiar with Dylan’s music, to be honest 🙂 I just concocted the form in a few moments and went with it 😀 Glad you liked it, and compared it to his music too. Thank you.

  19. “my live to alter must falter,” how brilliant is that? Excellently done.


    @Rebecca: 😆 Thanks very much. Glad you liked it 🙂

  20. I sud start the practice am not so good with rhyme. But I can try and hope to one day be just as good as you :).
    I loved this poem inspirational.

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