Friends?

I am troubled. I don’t know why. Somewhere deep down, I feel betrayed. I have always set high ideals to my friendship, but these days I feel I am letting myself slip up in those ideals. I seem to be questioning myself “am I a good friend?”

I am not getting answers. In bringing myself down, I am not that much an expert. But when a friend looks at me from afar and starts laughing, I can’t help but feel let down. She became a friend not by seeing my face, but my heart. Atleast that’s what I had thought. Now I am feeling that she decides her friends on faces, and trust me, I am not extremely cute or extremely ugly either. Avoiding me is easy to her. She doesn’t reply back to my messages. I think it is time I let go of her friendship too, because it is hurting me more than it is hurting her.

Friendship should not be forced upon anyone. It is quite wrong of me to demand that I get more attention every time when there maybe other things more important in their life at that time. I realize this mistake every time, but unfortunately it is after I demand of them. There are some special people who listen to my words and do it because they want to do it, and not because of my demanding of them. They are the ones who I feel are truly friends because they know I am not forcing them into anything, just that I am being me, and that I am childish sometimes. They mean a lot to me.

I love my friends, and betraying their trust is unimaginable to me. It hurts me when they accuse me of a betrayal when they are the ones who betrayed me, or stop talking to me without telling me any reasons. Some friends reflect who I am better than any old mirror could. I’d die before I betray them.

Betraying my friendship, it is their loss.
But why am I the one feeling hurt?

Poetry & writing are to me, a breath of fresh air in a life that is sometimes covered by the smoke of sorrow or self doubt. They also become the sweets I share to celebrate when life offers me a reason to. But most of all, they are to me, my life. For each word I write is a piece of my heart, a thought that just had to find its way into the world.

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