Memories Haunting Me

what is so eerie about an imminent examination that gives you the jitters i just do not understand, it is like the first time you visit the dentist. that sensation is one nobody tends to forget in a hurry. it has been six months since i last experienced that sensation but yet it seems like only yesterday…

let me relate to you,my fellow wanderers that sensation…

i heave a sigh of relief after my last practical exam as i come out the suffocation central that is my college computer science lab. when i exit the college & board the bus, i am thinking… good, i have ten days before i have to return for the theory board exams… i reach home and dump my bag on the bed…take a packet of chips & relax in front of the tv….oh but how long? hardly five minutes and a voice comes to me… “vinu,stop lazing around. get in front of the study table and peruse those books before they become more dusty.” no its not my mom or dad… so i ask it right back… “how can it get dusty so fast? i just used them today morning…” it doesn’t answer but goes away,leaving me in some peace of mind. but it comes back after half an hour… repeats the same words to me again… this time i lose it.. thinking some fresh air is what i need i go take my racquet & try to play a few games of shuttle with my sister. hardly ten minutes into my first game & that voice returns with those same words…i give it up, & to the sheer disbelief of my sister,i start to study…again… the look on her face says it all… it asks me unasked questions… ” have you lost your mind?? why are you studying again..?? can’t you take a break?? ” she has that voice inside her too but it is not strong enough to control her actions as yet…

i begin my endeavour…i am fifteen minutes into it…then snap…the thread of thoughts has been broken…isn’t that my favourite song thats just come on the fm?? yes it is, & to the shock of that voice, i leave my endeavour & go sit next to the fm for the next ten minutes…i am back again & feeling refreshed…i am in front of the books for another fortyfive minutes this time…then snap…there goes that thread again…the voice asks “what now?” now it is the aroma of that delicious yummy chocolate cake in the oven…& once again i leave the books & go to the kitchen to find that my sister is already there ogling at the oven door,impatient like me for my mom to take it out of the oven…an hour later with that cake in my tummy & my mind drifting back to the books, i return to try & keep my mind to studying again…but this time again the attempt fails… the reason?? its now half past eight at night & my mom calling me for dinner…. lets see after dinner i guess… i leave the books & go to eat…. i return to my room & this time i manage three hours continuously before that thread goes snap…oh but this time the cause is simple… even before i can control it…my eyes drift off & i fall asleep on my books itself…ten mins later & i am woken up by my sister to find it is ten past midnight & asking me to go to bed without more strain on my mind…

it is morning the next day & i wake up at sharp five am as is my habit…cant that voice leave me alone today i wonder…& at six am i find my answer…. to my shock & sheer disbelief the answer is no… it cant… i am forced in front of my books again by seven am & try in vain to be continuously in front of my books…but the same story continues & i find that it is not possible to do it….

well that was six months back….but guess what…if those memories still haunt me…then i think that the voice has also returned to do the same…its a weird thing for sure but thats why maybe God has given a conscience to everyone….let me see if i can avoid that voice this time but if i cant then also i will not mind… that is because it is trying to help me not do me harm….

cheers…to those evergreen haunting memories…

Poetry & writing to me are to me, a breath of fresh air in a life that is sometimes covered by the smoke of sorrow or self doubt. They also become the sweets I share to celebrate when life offers me a reason to. But most of all, they are to me, my life. For each word I write is a piece of my heart, a thought that just had to find its way into the world.

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